my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
