so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
