Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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