But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
