this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
