so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize