She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
