I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
