Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
