Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize