Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
