if only i could text you this smell
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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