dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
