Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize