So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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