I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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