So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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