I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
