Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
false alarm, still single
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