she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
