This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
