She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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