I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
