Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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