it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize