I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize