3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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