I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
