It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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