He is an equal opportunity slut.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The best revenge is premature balding
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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