getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
