singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just found puke in my bra..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He shit in the fireplace
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
