You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
