you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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