Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
