I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize