I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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