ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
