Someone shit on the floor
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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