So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
