OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
