do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
