So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize