Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
be right there i have to get my cape
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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