would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
