filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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