shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
