You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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