Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
