Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't turn off my feet"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
