"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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