i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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