singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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