I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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