Did you just see the Batmobile???
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
