i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
