after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
