Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
