Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
