I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
