I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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