i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
