Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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