he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
