I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
