Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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